btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
