can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
