Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
