Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
