The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
