Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just found puke in my bra..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
