Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
