omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
