its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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