it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
