how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
