It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
