SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
