with your own penis?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
