That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
