We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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