I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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