Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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