Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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