Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i've created a new STD.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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