I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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