my phone needs a breathalizer
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
