Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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