Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
