Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
