I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
wow bdsm is so cute
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
