What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
