Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
