Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
