I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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