dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
