I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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