We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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