hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
