I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
