My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
