Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The power of my boobs compel you
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
