State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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