She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
