eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
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