porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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