and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
