I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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