We won't sleep together?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
