How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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