I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
