Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Let's get the cat blown out
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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