What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
