Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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