East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
