Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
